Rogues’ Gallery

All units, be on the  lookout. A team of feline criminals is running amuck at the Fraudulent Farmstead.

Ace. Don't let the picture fool you. He has legs with claws, and he knows how to use them.

Name: Ace

Aliases: Big Orange, Burlesque Boy, Rogue Pee-er, Furry Tumor

Crimes: Attempting to smother humans by lying on their chests, stealing fuzzy blankets, snagging sparkly trim and thread from humans attempting to sew, peeing with malice aforethought throughout domicile, and causing a public disturbance by bolting food in order to hork it back up as loudly as possible.

Miss Kitty. Do not make her angry. You would not like her when she's angry.




Name: Miss Kitty

Aliases: Kit Kat, Dander Free Kitty the Hypoallergenic Cat, Her Highness, Fuzzy Butt

Crimes: Extortion of chicken and other human food through intimidation, relieving herself two inches from the litter box (even if the box has just been cleaned), grooming herself while sitting on top of humans, and shedding without a license.

Fiona. All your stuff is belonging to her.




Name: Fiona

Aliases: Black Cat, No Neck, FiFi, Ferocious Fi, Shithead

Crimes: Running amuck, destruction of property, disturbing the peace, destruction of property, conspiracy to wreak havoc, and destruction of property.




Subjects were photographed while meeting at their headquarters.

Be aware, felines are armed with claws and very sharp teeth. They are capable of working as a team, particularly when extorting food from humans.

Known gathering places include the couch, the beds, and any place they are not supposed to be. Felines will make a run for it if given the slightest opportunity. Approach with extreme caution and salmon treats.

Fraudulent Farmgirl
I teach garden and homesteading skills—the stuff your great-grandmother knew how to do. But if there's a faster, cheaper, or easier way to do it, I'll find it!By day, I design earth-friendly gardens for Spotts Garden Service. By night, I don my Wellies to become the Fraudulent Farmgirl. On my small urban homestead, I've ripped out the front lawn to plant vegetables and fruit trees, turned the garage into a chicken coop and grown enough strawberries to feed half the neighborhood.

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